Thursday, March 17, 2005

Step 1

I got home from work today and starting thinking about something. One of Violet's blogs put this thought into my head a while ago. I've noticed myself questioning my self worth because of stupid little things that should not matter. Friends don't reply to an email and I begin to think that they don't like me, that they're avoiding me. That they don't want anything to do with me anymore. Which couldn't be further from the truth! I have the best friends, better than I've ever experienced before. I know they're not avoiding me, usually they're just really busy and don't have time to respond and I know this. Yet I question myself and make it into a big deal. It's the same thing with guys not calling when they're supposed to. "Does he not like me anymore? Did I make him angry? Why hasn't he called???" I become dependent on others to validate who I am and I don't understand why. I'm a strong, independent woman. I was raised by parents who loved me unconditionally and they taught me so much. I have no reason to doubt myself, yet I do. I want to stop this self-destructive pattern and teach myself to honour my parents, by honouring myself. I am worthy of the love that I receive and I don't need it reaffirmed every moment of every day. Yes it's wonderful when people respond the way I want them to but when they don't, I have to realize it has nothing to do with who I am as a person. I am stronger than that!

"My name is FireCracker and I'm a validation junkie."

Posted by Maple :: 6:47 PM :: 1 Comments:

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