FireCracker Realized
Thursday, March 31, 2005
the bigger picture
I asked Violet and Spitfire if it was enough to have someone who loves you, but not as much as you love them. And I can't decide. I think it's difficult to be on either end of the spectrum. I can't decide which would be more difficult. I think if I was the one to love more, I'd be afraid that they would get tired of me. Yet being on the other side, I would wonder if I'm good enough. I think the ideal would be an equal amount of love between you both, but is that really attainable? And if that cannot be accomplished, how great could that gap be before it became too great a burden for either of you?
This is part of the reason I've decided to take a break from dating. I cannot give of myself in a way that could foster such a relationship right now. I need the time for me to grow as an individual before I can become a part of something bigger. I need to be confident in who I am and what I believe in before I can let someone back into my heart. I realized the first time I lived on my own, with no roommates or boyfriends, that I had no idea how to make decisions for myself. I always had someone around that would take the lead and control the situation. Little things like deciding on a place to go for dinner would make my mind go blank and the fear to set in. I get so afraid of making a mistake or disappointing someone, that I choose not to decide instead. If I hadn't had such a great roommate when I moved to Chicago (Thanks Spitfire!) I never would have done anything exciting or adventurous. She was my decision maker, and not because that's what she wanted to do.
I still have a lot of work to do in this area. I just realized as I've been writing this, that I haven't made my place a home yet. It's still a shell that my stuff is in. Only one room even has pictures up, and it's the one room I hate. I have bought only 3 things in 1 1/2 years to decorate. A phone stand, a small dresser and my duvet cover. I don't have drapes or paint or anything to make this place a home. And it's all because I don't want to make a mistake. I don't trust my own judgment on something so simple as paint! Which is easy to fix if you don't like it...it's called repainting. Easy right? Not for me. I'm a perfectionist. I want it to be perfect the first time. And I know from previous painting experiences that the smallest mistakes are really visible to me. I know...I'm crazy. But I'm trying to work on it I swear! Maybe the time has come to finally do something about it. Any one up for a trip to home depot? No, wait. You can't come. I have to decide on the colours by myself this time!
Posted by Maple :: 10:03 PM :: 2 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
beware of buses
I have just been thrown under a bus and then beaten with sticks. Yet I managed to get up and now I'm going to pretend like it never happened. That's the only way I can regain my sanity and continue working for the psycho bitch from hell. If I knew of another job that was available tomorrow I would've walked out the door and never looked back, but since I don't, I'm stuck here until I can find something new. I thought I could deal with her. That it would be different this time around but I was obviously wrong. The only difference this time is that I'm stronger and won't put up with her crap anymore. So this time, I walked out the door and went for a walk to Starbucks and nearly got thrown under a real bus thanks to the wind that is out of control. Gotta love the Windy City!
Posted by Maple :: 3:49 PM :: 4 Comments: ---------------------------------------
not yet
I'm safe for now but there is a meeting for later this afternoon where I can feel her wrath. Thank goodness she works out of the east coast office...at least I'll be able to turn down the volume when she starts to yell.
I hope you all are having a better day than I appear to be!
Posted by Maple :: 1:47 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
kill me now!
I was having such a good day today! And she ruined it! I am now filled with anger and hatred for someone who doesn't deserve a moment of my time. I can't do anything right in her eyes. I don't escalate something that's already being looked into and she freaks out. I do escalate something and she blames me when she yells at other people because it's wrong, even though it's not their fault (she should have asked them to look into it instead of blaming them for a problem). She's a freak and I hate her!
Thank goodness I have my iPod to keep me from going over the edge. Toby Lightman's 'Everyday' is keeping me sane right now. Until she calls and freaks out on me again...which I think is right now.
Posted by Maple :: 1:14 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
mmmm...bad boys!
The night I met V-boy a conversation got started about what women look for in guys. How this conversation began I have no idea but somehow I got dragged into it. I don't normally have a specific list that any guy must meet before I will date them, that's not my style. That's what my sister does and she hasn't had much luck so I've generally avoided being too picky. There has always been a short list of qualities a person must possess, but nothing too outrageous. As I've gotten older, I've become more selective. I've started a new list, a more specific list, one where certain qualities must exist or I won't even consider the person.
Required Qualities:
-male
-single
-non-smoker
-employed
-ambitious
-confident, but not cocky
-can make me laugh
-likes sports
It's still a pretty simple list but it's amazing the number of guys that I've dated over the years that wouldn't get a date today. Although, no one qualifies right now -- I'm still on hiatus. But when I give that up, I wonder if things will be any different than they were before? I've changed, but I'm still attracted to the same type of guys. Musicians, bartenders, hockey players...you know the type...bad boys. They break all the rules and that's why I like them -- they're sexy! But then I've also been known to date the dorks and wanna-be's that name drop, thinking that will make them popular. Hopefully I'll learn from past experiences and break the cycle. Meet guys that are good for me instead of the ones that make my friends want to knock some sense into me -- thanks girls! I'm tired of making the same mistakes over and over again so hopefully I'm past that point in my life.
It's time to take control of my destiny.
Posted by Maple :: 9:59 PM :: 1 Comments: ---------------------------------------
days like these
I love today! It is warm and sunny and it feels like summer is just around the corner. It makes me want to go out and play instead of sitting behind my computer and working. I should have taken a personal day to take advantage of this beautiful weather and gone down to the lake or to the zoo. There are so many things that I would've done if I had planned properly. At least now I'll have the motivation to get my bike fixed and start my exploration of the city.
It's going to be a great summer!
Posted by Maple :: 2:30 PM :: 3 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Saturday, March 26, 2005
good enough?
It looks like I'll be able to cross #25 off my list, but I may wait until it actually happens before I do. I was told today during my 3 hours of tennis that I should be in Level 3. I was in shock. I'm not good enough for level 3 yet -- I haven't even played a real game! I like the vote of confidence in my abilities but I think he's wrong, especially since he hasn't even seen me serve yet, and serving is a big deal. My level 1 instructor gave me a hard time today and made a point of correcting everything I did. I was the one he made an example of this week. Was I doing everything wrong or does he just expect more from me now? I know I've improved a lot in the last few months but I still make stupid mistakes and completely miss shots that should be easy to get. Of course, I'm a perfectionist, so I will always think that I'm not good enough to get to that next level, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I am good enough and just needed to be around people with stronger skills to get my game even better. There is one guy in our class that is amazing and I cannot return most of his shots. I dread having him across the court from me but today I kept a rally going and actually beat him. It felt so great. I need that excitement to improve my game. Of course, I also need to play in a game to know what to expect in real life situations. I can't wait for the weather to improve!
Posted by Maple :: 4:52 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Guilty Pleasures
How much do we actually know about our friends/family/complete strangers on the internet? This is a questionnaire to get to know them better (or to know them at all). Read through the comments below about me and then make sure you read the instructions at the bottom. Because, you know--you've NEVER got one of these in your email before. And, Ignored. It. DELETE. Have fun!
1. What time do you wake up in the morning? Alarm goes off at 6am and I'm up sometime around 6:45am during the week. Weekends it's as late as possible.
2. Name as it appears on birth certificate? Wouldn't you like to know
3. Nicknames? FireCracker, Gori, Coppertop, Carrot Top, Red, Ronald
4. Eye color? Hazel
5. Place of birth? Montreal, Quebec, Canada
6. Favorite food? Salmon
7. Ever been to Africa? Not yet
8. Ever been toilet papering? No. I was too much of a goody-goody.
9. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes
10. Been in a car accident? Yes...in my brand new car, on the first snowfall of the year I was hit head on by a girl in her new car who didn't know where the road was. $4k in damage and I hadn't even made an insurance payment yet.
11. Croutons or bacon bits? neither
12. Favorite day of the week? Friday
13. Favorite restaurant? Cafe Iberico
14. Favorite flower? Tulips
15. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey, then Cubs baseball
16. Favorite drink? Rye & Ginger
17. Favorite ice cream? Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
18. Disney or Warner bros.? Warner Bros.
19. Favorite fast food restaurant? Wendy's
20. What color is your bedroom carpet? hardwood
21. How many times did you fail your driver's test? none
22. From whom did you get your last e-mail? Guy from work
23. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Target, Ann Taylor Loft, Pottery Barn, Victoria's Secret
24. What do you do most often when you are bored? read random blogs
25. Bed time? 11pm
26. Favorite TV shows? Desperate Housewives, Lost, Gilmore Girls, Hockey Night in Canada
27. Last person you went out to dinner with? Violet
28. Ford or Chevy? neither...foreign cars only please
29. What are you listening to right now? Jack Johnson
30. What is your favorite color? yellow
31. Lake, ocean or river? ocean - I love the power of the waves crashing on the beach
32. How many tattoos do you have? none...I'm a wimp
33. Have you ever run out of gas? nope
34. Time you finished this list? 1:49pm
If you read this whole thing, and you are bored -- copy and paste it into my comments and then change the answers to your own. Or not...you're call.
Posted by Maple :: 1:51 PM :: 1 Comments: ---------------------------------------
growing up
I talked with V-boy for over an hour last night. He's such a nice guy and I hated to do it, but for once in my life I did what was best for me. I told him the truth -- told him I couldn't date him. I think he was in shock and he definitely did not expect it. I guess he was more into me than I realized but he's not the right person for me and I know that. Why waste his time and mine to go on a ton of dates just to end up at the exact same point? There was no reason to do that. I'm done playing games and just want to do what's best for me. He did thank me for being honest with him and I did suggest becoming friends instead but I have a feeling he won't be comfortable with that. The ball's in his court now for friendship, but at least if I see him again at one of Violet's parties things shouldn't be too awkward.
I think I'm finally on the path to finding the right guy for me.
Posted by Maple :: 9:36 AM :: 1 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
reinstated
It's not official yet, but I'm reinstating the hiatus tonight. V-boy called last night and left a message asking how my weekend was. Seems good right, but I'm not excited about it. It's been a week since our date and when he left I did not feel optimistic vibes from him. If he was really interested he would have made more of an effort. If I was really interested I would have made more of an effort. There's nothing wrong with him, he's just not the right person for me and I'm at the point in my life where I can realize this fact early now and not wait 3 years for it to sink in. Who knows, maybe we can be friends but if not at least I met a nice guy.
Posted by Maple :: 2:58 PM :: 2 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Stir Crazy
I'm very unproductive today. I've got plenty to do but I'm unable to focus on any of it. My work feels so meaningless now and I'd rather be anywhere else but here. I just don't care today. I thought getting outside over lunch would help and it did while I was walking around, but once I got back to the office I returned to being miserable. I even contemplated getting on the train and going home instead of going back to work, but I didn't think that would go over very well. I need a mental health day but I can't take one now. I'm not even allowed to have Good Friday off, which is a holiday for my company, because my client thinks I should take only her holidays. So I'm stuck working on Friday. It's only Tuesday...how the hell am I going to get through this week?
Posted by Maple :: 2:57 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
conspiracy?
It's got to be a conspiracy. They definitely want me to leave now.
They cancelled the cake!
What will I do now?
Posted by Maple :: 2:09 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Monday, March 21, 2005
hey boss lady
Quit shoving me!
Stop it!
You can't make me leave!
Well, actually you can but I won't go quietly. Have you ever felt that not so subtle nudge that makes you feel like they want to replace you. I'm getting that now. It's getting annoying. Just tell me when my contract is up and I'll leave, but don't make me miserable until then. Don't play these games and pretend like I'm stupid. I'm not. I've seen you do it before. I get it and I'm prepared for it. I think I'll actually welcome the day that I don't have to deal with you anymore. But quit being such a bitch about the whole thing. I deserve more respect than that. Oh, that's right. You don't show anyone respect. I forgot. My bad.
Posted by Maple :: 8:52 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Again?!?!
I forgot the highlight of my day. I got asked out when I was looking at tennis shoes. He gave me his number and everything. He wants to play tennis with me. I was in shock and didn't know what to say. He teaches tennis, but only to Polish people because his English is not very good. But he wants to play with me, even though I told him I've only been playing since November. I suck...I would be very intimidated. But he was cute, athletic. He made me giggle.
I'm not used to being asked out twice in 8 days. Hell, I'm not used to being asked out at all. At the time I didn't even want to consider going out with him.
Maybe I should.
Posted by Maple :: 7:21 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
JLo Booty
Friday nights at the grocery store - very quiet but lots of fresh produce to choose from. You can use the express checkout lane, even though you have more than 15 items. I went with Kansas who I haven't seen in a really long time. She and I tend to get together to go shopping since she doesn't own a car and I do. It's fun because we usually go to Target and get all kinds of things we don't really need and she always makes me laugh. This time she brought her puppy Jake along for the trip and he was so cute. He's around 6 months old and he'll be perfect for crossing number 75 off my list. I may wait until the weather is nicer so that I can take him to the park and not freeze my ass off.
The rest of my weekend was spent with Tosa trying to find dresses for her wedding. We went all over the place and ended up at the first place we tried things on. It was fun but tiring. I don't often get to see Tosa any more, but it's always like old times. We just understand each other, especially when it comes to the acceptable amount of beading and lace - not much! We both found dresses that we liked and we ordered mine today. Tosa still needs to decide which dress she likes best and how much she's willing to spend. She should have a decision made by next weekend. It was a little traumatizing for me today because I found out exactly how big my ass is in comparison to the rest of my body. My boobs fit into a size 8, my waist fits a size 10 and my ass...it's a 12. We had to order a 12 because if I don't loose my ass, then I don't have to wear a girdle. I just hope they can alter the top of the dress and keep it looking cute.
I guess this reinforces my need to get my booty to the gym!
Posted by Maple :: 7:08 PM :: 2 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Step 1
I got home from work today and starting thinking about something. One of Violet's blogs put this thought into my head a while ago. I've noticed myself questioning my self worth because of stupid little things that should not matter. Friends don't reply to an email and I begin to think that they don't like me, that they're avoiding me. That they don't want anything to do with me anymore. Which couldn't be further from the truth! I have the best friends, better than I've ever experienced before. I know they're not avoiding me, usually they're just really busy and don't have time to respond and I know this. Yet I question myself and make it into a big deal. It's the same thing with guys not calling when they're supposed to. "Does he not like me anymore? Did I make him angry? Why hasn't he called???" I become dependent on others to validate who I am and I don't understand why. I'm a strong, independent woman. I was raised by parents who loved me unconditionally and they taught me so much. I have no reason to doubt myself, yet I do. I want to stop this self-destructive pattern and teach myself to honour my parents, by honouring myself. I am worthy of the love that I receive and I don't need it reaffirmed every moment of every day. Yes it's wonderful when people respond the way I want them to but when they don't, I have to realize it has nothing to do with who I am as a person. I am stronger than that!
"My name is FireCracker and I'm a validation junkie."
Posted by Maple :: 6:47 PM :: 1 Comments: ---------------------------------------
to hiatus or not to hiatus...that is the question
My date with V-boy went well. I called Violet at the last minute to help with wardrobe decisions and she was awesome as usual. "It's a tapas place near your house. It's not going to be a fancy place. If it was downtown then it'd be fancy. Just wear jeans and a cute top." She was right, and I was comfortable.
V-boy drove over to my place and since my landlord won't tell me which buzzer is mine I met him outside. It was a nice evening so we walked the few blocks over to the restaurant, which is supposed to be a great place. Neither of us had been there before and I was actually disappointed. I don't think I'll go back. They didn't impress me.
I was a little nervous when the date started, but in a good way. It was an excited nervous. We talked a lot. He's a twin, 36, works in the burbs, lives in the city, works out at the gym every morning (crazy), strawberry-blondish hair, red beard, educated and intelligent. He seems like a great guy. We got along well. The conversation flowed nicely and he even made me laugh. After dinner we walked back to my place and I invited him inside. It became a little more awkward here. It just seemed like it shouldn't end yet, but I'm not sure we should've gone to my apartment. There was a little more uncomfortable silence. My apartment was like a sauna so that was not too pleasant and we both just sat on either ends of the couch talking. I have a big couch. A third person could easily fit between us and still not come in contact with us. It was just weird. Eventually we get to the point where it's time for him to leave and it felt like he rushed right out the door. There was no time to even contemplate a kiss. This was a first for me. I'm used to guys always going in for a kiss, whether I want them to or not. I guess I'm just puzzled. And that makes me unsure about future dates with V-boy. I'm not writing him off. I just don't have the excitement that I would expect from a date that started off well.
I think I still have a lot to learn.
Posted by Maple :: 11:12 AM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
I thought I lost you!
But it's okay...I found you again. Thank goodness!
My heart stopped a moment ago when I was cleaning up my blog and thought I lost all my posts. It was a scary situation - they said I didn't exist! But I'm FireCracker Realized - I must exist! Who knew I would feel such a loss without my blog, it's not like we have a long history together. I suppose what we do have is shared experiences and the belief that we'll always be there for each other...or at least we used to. I may have some trust issues now.
Posted by Maple :: 11:07 AM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
hiatus...what hiatus?
So thanks to Violet's housewarming party Saturday night I have a date tomorrow with V-boy. We talked for about 40 minutes last night and covered topics that you're never supposed to discuss...religion and politics. But it was good. I think we both feel the same when discussing very personal subjects. Everyone has an opinion, good or bad, but they deserve the right to be heard. No shouting or anger required. I'm looking forward to getting to know V-boy, which surprises me since when he asked me out Saturday night my initial reaction was "I'm on hiatus. I'm not supposed to date anyone right now. But you're cute, even with the beard." What I actually said was "Um, okay, I guess I could go out with you." Smooth, real smooth.
He wants me bad now!
Thankfully, I think I made a better impression last night during our phone call and I'm actually excited. We're going to go out for dinner, and he'll be calling me tomorrow afternoon once he's come up with a place. I thought it was really cool that he made a point of asking if I had any food allergies or anything that I didn't like...very considerate. Little does he know that I'll eat pretty much anything put in front of my face. I think I'll keep that part a secret for now.
But now comes the difficult part...what to wear! It doesn't help that my iron died last night so I have to either choose something that is wrinkle free, or buy something new.
Anyone up for shopping?
I suppose I could also just buy a new iron, but what fun is that? Besides, one of the items on my newly published list is getting a kick ass first date outfit. I may be able to cross that one off my list sooner rather than later! Any suggestions on what to wear?
Posted by Maple :: 9:04 AM :: 1 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Sunday, March 13, 2005
The List
I'm sure some of you have seen this type of list before and I thought I would try to make one to keep my life going in the direction I want it to. I thought this would be easy to create but it's taken me weeks to come up with a list that I believe is achievable. Consider this list retroactive to February 15th, 2005 with anything in bold completed. Feel free to try one of your own lists.
101 Things To Do In 1001 Days
1. Break up with R boy. (Feb. 19th, 2005)
2. Buy shoes for tennis. (Feb. 4th, 2006)
3. Buy a tennis racket. (April 5th, 2006)
4. Take a vacation for myself (at least a week away). Ireland September 2-9, 2006!
5. Go to Cape Breton to visit my family. (July 2006)
6. Take my niece to the zoo.
7. Take pictures and frame at least 2 of them. (Ordered online July 9th, 2005 and framed by the end of July)
8. Buy a chair for my living room. (Ordered January 2nd, 2006)
9. Buy a laptop. (I'm now a proud MacBook owner!!! March 31st, 2007)
10. Set up a wireless connection for said laptop. Still working on getting it working but I have someone else's to use in the meantime. :) Update...I did it!!! April 1, 2007
11. Go to opening day at Wrigley Field. (April 8th, 2005 with Cubbie Girl!)
12. Go to a Cubs game without drinking beer ~ before, during or after the game! (June 12th, 2005)
13. Visit Doc in Atlanta. She lives here again so no travel necessary!
14. Visit Spitfire in Corpus Christi. (Thanksgiving weekend 2006)
15. Vegas baby!
16. Visit Napa Valley. (Scheduled Oct. 15th for Tosa’s wedding)
17. Paint my apartment. (living room December 30th, 2005; bedroom Feb. 19th, 2006)
18. Buy and hang drapes. (bedroom completed Feb. 21st, 2006)
19. Try painting just to say I can do it.
20. Do yoga regularly - once per week minimum.
21. Get a facial. (It was amazing! - June 19th, 2005)
22. Buy fun shoes. (Bronze heels that are amazing! - May 2006)
23. Learn to meditate with no music, TV, phones, computers or distractions of any kind.
24. Go out with my girlfriends regularly.
25. Get to level 3 in tennis. (I did it!! I've been invited to join the Level 3 class on Saturdays!)
26. Play tennis in a league or play a tournament.
27. Consistently get to work before 8:45am. I have to now - work now begins at 8:30am.
28. No more binge drinking, even during the $20 all you can drink specials.
29. Stop scowling. I think I've improved dramatically on this in the last couple of months so I'm crossing it off my list.
30. Start being friends with my sister. Things are much better already and we didn't have one fight the last visit, which is a big improvement!
31. Call my mom more often.
32. Send my sister-in-law those heating pads she wanted. (June 26th)
33. Become friends with guys…it’s always good to have at least one in your life. SoCal has become my friend...even if the girls still think he's got a thing for me.
34. Take more chances in life.
35. Go for more walks. I walk 2 miles almost every morning now!
36. Wear sunscreen daily (new moisturizer with spf15)
37. Get my eyes checked. (April 4th)
38. Go to the dentist every 6 months. (Feb. 15th and counting)
39. Talk to random people for no reason at all except to try something different.
40. Randomly make someone smile.
41. Volunteer regularly.
42. Eat chocolate and/or ice cream and not feel guilty. (This one is easy!)
43. Floss daily. I am getting so much better at this, especially after my dentist yelled at me.
44. Learn German.
45. Use my rollerblades more.
46. Ride my bike instead of sitting on the couch.
47. Watch more movies. Signed up for Netflix and have watched more movies in the past 10 days than I have all year! (August 2006)
48. Take cooking lessons. (Sept. 25, 2006 - roasted red pepper and mozzarella crostini, roast chicken, wild mushroom risotto and tiramisu...yum!)
49. Sing in public. I'm not afraid to sing in front of my friends anymore...definitely a good start!
50. Speak in front of a group of people. (Speech for Tosa’s wedding)
51. Save for a down payment on a house or condo. Started in March 2006!
52. Pay off car loan. (Final Payment December 3rd, 2005!!)
53. See the Grand Canyon.
54. Visit New York City for at least a weekend. (January 20-22, 2006 with CG)
55. Learn how to make a fun drink. (July 2nd, 2005)
56. Host a party at my home. Does movie night count?? (January 2008)
57. Get my oil changed. (May 4th, 2005)
58. Dance like no one is watching when everyone is. (March 17th, 2006 - I did it and it felt great!!)
59. Call Char. (done Feb. 20th)
60. Play in the rain. (June 4th & 11th)
61. Spend quality time with my niece away from everyone else. (June 24th & 26th)
62. Buy a kick-ass first date outfit. (June 29th...I bought a few but only wore one)
63. Plan Tosa’s bachlorette party. (partied Sept. 10th!)
64. Buy new cell phone. (July 17th...and it's really cool!)
65. Pay off school loan.
66.Fix office computer.Not going to happen...it's dead. I'll have to think of something else instead....Set-up new office computer. (August 2006)
67.Find B…the volunteering life coach (opportunity missed).Get rid of my junk through a garage sale, craigslist or donations.
68. Wake with a smile ~ just because life is good.
69. Fly a kite.
70. Rock climbing with Violet. (April 17th!)
71. Kayaking on Lake Michigan during air show (it was so great last year it must be repeated!) (August 21st with Violet)
72. Explore new neighbourhoods in Chicago.
73. Bake myself a birthday cake. (March 2008)
74. Meet a celebrity. (Moises Alou – March 6th in Fashion Square Mall parking lot – he parked two cars away from me, and we chatted for a bit)
75. Walk a dog (I don’t own one so this could be tricky). (July 16th...Onyx is such a good dog)
76. Go out for dinner to a nice restaurant by myself. (March 6th in Scottsdale – Don & Charlie's)
77. Go to the driving range. (July 4th, 2005...and I was pretty good too!)
78. Update my resume. (August 2005)
79. Spend more time with my mom. (June 25th all to ourselves...it was great!)
80. Win an award.
81. Visit a psychic.
82. Go to a wine tasting. (July 2nd, 2005...a very nice surprise!)
83. Travel to Europe – Paris, Ireland, England, Italy, Germany, or somewhere just as cool. Ireland in September 2006; Amsterdam in January 2007!
84. Cook for friends. (Made dinner for CG including roast beef, roasted potatoes and honey glazed carrots....mmmmm!! - December 31st, 2005)
85. Go camping.
86. Create an emergency fund and invest it wisely. (Started March 15th, completed December 2005)
87. Cut back on stupid spending. I'm much better at this now!
88. Save money by bringing lunch to work 3-4 days per week. I'm working from home now so I don't spend any money at all - it's been great!
89. Take vitamins daily.
90. Have a snowball fight.
91. Go to the South Side Irish Parade in Chicago for St. Patrick’s Day.
92. Go to a baseball game at Fenway Park. (July 3rd, 2005...absolutely amazing!! We got on the field and I even took some of the warning track home.)
93. Go to a baseball game at Yankee Stadium.
94. Take Cubbie Girl out for her 20th birthday!
95. Keep in regular contact with friends in different parts of the country and the world…Chicago, Texas, Georgia, Florida, China, Australia, Canada, etc.
96. Dress more professionally at work.
97. Never go out in public without looking my best.
98. Win the NCAA March Madness pool, or at least the prize for the worst score. (I beat Cubbie Girl and Doc...I think that counts)
99. Go to an NFL game. (Pre-season Bears vs Chargers - August 18th, 2006)
100. Get 15 seconds of fame, 15 minutes is too long. (5 seconds - Cubbie Girls' Mom saw us on the news, 5 seconds - CG's friend saw us on TV at the Cubs game, 1 month - get to be in the next edition of the Cubs Vineline - March, 2007)
101. Try something new that I would normally be afraid to do. (July 1st, 2005...was totally nervous but it turned out to be a great experience...thanks Fenway!!!)
Posted by Maple :: 10:39 PM :: 8 Comments: ---------------------------------------
My favourite minor league Cub
I think I figured out how to do this now! Yay, now I can share all my pictures...starting with Casey K., #88 during Cubs Spring Training for the last 2 years. Isn't he hot?
Yummy!
Posted by Maple :: 12:34 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
how to download pictures
I'm a computer consultant but I have no idea how to put pictures on this blog. Can anyone provide instructions? Please, please, pretty please?
Posted by Maple :: 12:08 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
remember me?
Don't worry, I'm okay. I was just in a bit of a funk this past week which prevented me from sharing with you what was going on. I'm all good now and have lots of stories to tell...it may take a while to catch up so bare with me.
I'll start with last night...Violet's housewarming party. What a party it was! Lots of food and drinks and really nice people, including her friend who put her hands down my pants the last time I saw her, but that's a different story that I won't be getting into. Violet is such a great friend and I would do anything for her. It was so nice to see her so happy yesterday surrounded by all these great people who also think she's great. And her new boy was there, but I never really got the chance to get to know him...there were too many other distractions and fascinating people to meet that I never got around to getting to know him. He's got a very cool accent, but beyond that I know nothing about him. Sorry Violet...I should have done more to see if he passes the test. But the suprising event of the evening was that I got asked out by one of her volleyball friends...I'll call him V-boy. He's kinda cute, but he has a beard which I don't know if I like or not. He seems nice and we had a good conversation but I'm worried that I shouldn't have agreed to a date. I really don't know if I should date anyone right now and had said that I was going on hiatus, but it's so hard to say no to someone for that reason. Especially when there is an attraction. I'll have to get Violet to tell me more about V-boy. I don't want to get into the same situation as I did with the last boy. I'll keep you posted on what happens!
Posted by Maple :: 10:45 AM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Motivation
If you can't tell, I'm not really motivated to write lately. I did just get back from my vacation in Arizona and have lots of stories to tell but I haven't been in the mood to share. I promise that I will in the next few days. And I'll even include pictures when I figure out how to post them.
This will have to do for now as I'm off to sleep.
Posted by Maple :: 9:17 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Are we there yet?
The countdown has begun. In less than 24 hours I will be in Arizona to watch my beloved Cubs play baseball. I can't wait! All I want to do is sit in the ballpark with the sun on my face, a cold beer in my hand and watch the guys play. It's so cool to watch the young guys trying to get a place on the team, and then seeing them later in the season as they're called up to Wrigley. It's nice to know that the atmosphere will be different this year now that Sammy's ego has moved on and I won't have to be annoyed with Farnsworth any more.
The one person that will truly be missed is Matt Clement. The Red Sox are lucky to have him! Last year I sat beside a scout from Cleveland who was there to check out Clement. They were going to do everything in their power to get him, but I'm glad he chose Boston instead. They've got such a similar history and culture that I think he appreciates. Early in the season last year I stayed late after a game and Matt was on the field with his young son Maddux. It was so nice to see them together, playing catch in the outfield - or Matt tried to but Maddux was a little young to get the concept. He kept throwing the ball behind him instead of to his dad. It seemed like Matt knew he wasn't going to be a Cub forever so he made sure to take advantage of the time he had and created some memories that will last a lifetime. And it's something that I will never forget either.
Posted by Maple :: 12:45 PM :: 1 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
It's only a number
Why does society put so much importance on a number? Who decided a number could have such an impact on how we live our lives? Shouldn't we be judged on our actions and our contributions instead of a number that signifies how many years we've been a part of this world? We are restricted from doing things because of this value but in reality it doesn't mean anything. All it's there for is to help us add. 1+1=2, 2+1=3...27+1=28...31+1=32
Our lives are based on reaching certain milestones, yet these milestones have nothing to do with who we are as a person. We should be walking by 1, hit puberty by 12, driving at 16, voting by 18, drinking by 21 (or 19 if you live in Canada), graduating college by 22, married with 2.1 kids by 30, retired by 65, and dead by...you get my point. If we don't hit these milestones then there's got to be something wrong with us. Why aren't you married yet? You're not done school yet...what's taking so long? Are you having problems getting pregnant? We want grandchildren soon while we're still young! Why is so much pressure put on a person just because they haven't met some arbitrary criteria that has been imposed by society? I understand the world has become very competitive and people want to impress and meet others expectations but isn't it getting a little out of hand? Shouldn't we be more concerned by what is best for us instead of the people around us? Who cares if the neighbours daughter just got engaged and will be having her first child by 25. What impact does that have on my life? None. Does that mean I need to find a man willing to have children just for the sake of having children? Definitely not! I'm tired of people imposing their timelines on others. I'm in no rush to get married. I don't even want children. If I could I'd retire now, not in 30+ years. I'm happy with the way my life is now and I don't expect any drastic changes just because I haven't reached certain milestones in my life. They're not my milestones. I'm happy if you have reached your milestones, but please be happy for me.
My life is good just the way it is.
Posted by Maple :: 9:55 AM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
not good enough
I've noticed that I usually stop myself from doing things because I don't think I'll be good enough. Why I think that way I haven't quite figured out yet. Even writing in this blog can be a challenge because I want to write something witty and provocative for all of you out there (don't you feel special Violet), yet the reason I started this was supposed to be for me. Not for you. Sorry, but I have to stop thinking this way so if my future posts are crap you're just going to have to deal with it.
This weekend I didn't write about all that was going on with me because I didn't want to disgust anyone with the gory details of my medical issues. Yet I should have written something because I was scared and needed an outlet for my fears. Thankfully, Violet was great and she's the best babysitter I've ever had! There was no way she was going to let me pass out. She took me to Target to shop for necessities to get through the weekend and then spent the afternoon watching The Notebook and the start of the Oscars. I was feeling much better by then so I released her from her duties early so she could go home and sleep. I was so greatful to have her around.
It's hard being single, in a city without any family nearby when you are sick and not sure why. It's a time for Mom to provide comfort and support, but she's in another country and I don't like calling her and making her worry about these things too. She worries enough as it is. And it's not like she can just hop in a car and drive over to give me a hug and make me soup. It's not that simple any more. Although I'm sure she would if I lived close to her. I'd do it for her too.
I miss my Mom.
She was supposed to be visiting in a couple of weeks, but she had her own health scare not too long ago. Mom's okay now, but she wouldn't be able to get medical insurance to cover her in the US for another 3 months. So I have to wait to see her. We can't afford to have her get sick or injured while visiting - it's way too expensive!
Can you believe I had no idea what to write about?
Posted by Maple :: 10:05 PM :: 0 Comments: ---------------------------------------