Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I'm okay

I love my Mom. She just called to check up on me and it was really nice. We're not that close, at least not as close as she is with my sister, but we have our own way of doing things. It used to be that we'd talk maybe once a month to find out what's going on, but lately it's been a lot more often. I think it's been 3 times in the last month. We've both had some health issues lately that have kept us wondering about the other person so phone calls have been more important to us. I think it would be very different if I lived nearby, where I could drive home on the weekends, or even for an evening. Being so far away makes it very hard to feel connected, and to me a phone call doesn't do us justice. I'm a quiet person and don't like to talk about myself and my Mom is pretty much the same way. We like to hear other people’s stories, we don't tell our own. Writing this blog is a big deal for me, and my Mom would probably love to read it, but it's not something I'm willing to share with my family, at least not yet. Maybe one day I'll let them into my inner most thoughts and feelings, but I need time before that happens. What I really need right now is some one-on-one time with Mom. She was supposed to come down to visit a few weeks ago but she had to cancel and I don't know when we'll get the chance again. Usually I go home for a long weekend a few times a year, but then my sister feels the need to be home at the same time. She tends to overpower everyone around her and it really takes away from my time with Mom, so I'm trying to get her to visit on her own that way I won't have to share her with anyone. Selfish, but necessary. I want to get to know her again, have talks about her life and choices to see if she would do anything differently. I want to be a part of her life again, but not as the brat I used to be. I want her to know me as an adult and see what a great job she did. And hopefully she's still proud of me.

Posted by Maple :: 10:06 PM :: 1 Comments:

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