Saturday, July 09, 2005

trials & tribulations, a little luck and happiness

Most of you know that my job has been hellish lately and it came to the breaking point Friday. I completely lost it. As usual, they assumed that we would stop our lives - what we have left of them - and stay for the night to work for them. There was no question posed to my team, just an assumption that we'd be there. It's one thing if they treated us with a little respect, but the fact that they can't even ask is what pisses me off more than anything. So I walked out. I grabbed my sunglasses and purse and walked out the door, not sure if I would return. Once I got outside in the beautiful summer sun...something I don't get to see often...I decided I needed to call Cubbie Girl to gain some sanity. She was great! So supportive and calming, reminding me that there are lots of IT jobs out there and anyone would be lucky to have me. And she's right! We talked for a little while and then I decided it was time to talk with my real boss. The time has come to walk away from this project and start somewhere fresh. I think he was in shock, but tried to be supportive. He knew things could be bad but he really had no clue how hellish it was for me. But he agreed he would start looking for new clients for an August start date. Which means there's an end in sight.

Once returning to the office, I started getting emails from the big-wigs. To make it impossible to say no, I had the VP of Operations instant messaging with me to confirm availability of everyone and I'm a horrible liar, and care too much about what I do, so I said I'd work. Unfortunately for me, I was the only one without definite plans...so I had to stay. It was 'critical' that testing was completed. Lucky me...working late again. I'm such a sucker. Thankfully I do get paid overtime. That's the only saving grace otherwise I would've left this client years ago. And now, there's just a few weeks left instead of months. Will I be able to make it without going postal? Too soon to tell.

So where is the luck and happiness? My luck comes from having such great friends who are supportive and call me up at 8pm in the office and beg me to ditch work and join them drinking. They help keep me sane and are willing to do anything for me which I so appreciate! I wouldn't be surprised if one night they break into my office and kidnap me. They're already looking for new jobs and want lists of things they can help me with. Without their support I don't know how I would survive right now.

Yet somehow, I've managed to find another source of happiness in my crazy world. I've met someone that I've found a real connection with. Someone who makes me laugh and brings a smile to my face without even trying. He's a bright spot during the dark hours of my day and I feel very lucky to have met such a caring and kind man. He may be far away but I don't know if we ever would have met living in the same city. I don't have time for a 'normal' relationship right now but I look forward to the emails and phone calls, the weekends spent together when we can manage to get away.

Our first was last weekend, and one that will be difficult to match. There wasn't a moment that felt wrong between us. The first night together was both nerve-racking and magical, but he was wonderful and put me at ease and made me feel safe. I still can't believe how things have gotten to this point but I'm very happy and wouldn't change a thing. We can talk about anything and there haven't been any games between us. It's so different from anything I've experienced before and I look forward to each time I talk with him. I want to share all my thoughts and feelings about him, yet I don't want to jinx it by giving everything away. I kind of want to keep him for myself a little bit longer. It's so much easier to share the things that don't really matter, but he matters a great deal to me, so for now all you get is a small introduction. In time I will share more, just know that I don't remember the last time I was this happy.

Posted by Maple :: 8:50 PM :: 1 Comments:

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