Wednesday, February 08, 2006

There used to be a path around here somewhere

At this moment I'm torn. I'm desperate to cut my hair and make it better, but I have no idea what to do with it. I've been given a recommendation on a salon & stylist thanks to one of my readers. I bought a hair magazine and flipped through it multiple times but nothing caught my eye. I still haven't made that call to do something about it. The hardest part for me to come to terms with is that I constantly get compliments on my hair the way it is yet I hate it and feel I need to do something. Maybe I'm just restless and need a change, with my hair being an easy option (or so I thought). Maybe what I need to do is something bigger, something life changing and important instead of superficial. I realized that I've had this blog for nearly a year now and not much has really changed in my life. Sure, I've slowly been crossing things off my list but I'm still the same person with the same issues, just a few new experiences since this whole thing started. I still over analyze and wait for things to happen. I still want someone else to make my decisions for me and don't put the effort into things myself. I don't stand up for myself and get taken advantage of by the worst people imaginable. I still stress about the littlest, stupidest things that are really unimportant and meaningless. Yet I don't know how to change these things about me. I guess part of me wants someone to show me the way, to take my hand and guide me to that place, but that can't happen. It's got to be a solitary journey filled with moments of despair and moments of joy. Times that make me want to scream from anger and frustration and hopefully also from the happiness that awaits around that corner. Maybe I'm at the right point in my life now where change is possible, where motivation is no longer an issue to start taking the steps necessary to be the person I want to be - the person I need to be.

Posted by Maple :: 9:03 PM :: 2 Comments:

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