Tuesday, March 01, 2005

not good enough

I've noticed that I usually stop myself from doing things because I don't think I'll be good enough. Why I think that way I haven't quite figured out yet. Even writing in this blog can be a challenge because I want to write something witty and provocative for all of you out there (don't you feel special Violet), yet the reason I started this was supposed to be for me. Not for you. Sorry, but I have to stop thinking this way so if my future posts are crap you're just going to have to deal with it.

This weekend I didn't write about all that was going on with me because I didn't want to disgust anyone with the gory details of my medical issues. Yet I should have written something because I was scared and needed an outlet for my fears. Thankfully, Violet was great and she's the best babysitter I've ever had! There was no way she was going to let me pass out. She took me to Target to shop for necessities to get through the weekend and then spent the afternoon watching The Notebook and the start of the Oscars. I was feeling much better by then so I released her from her duties early so she could go home and sleep. I was so greatful to have her around.

It's hard being single, in a city without any family nearby when you are sick and not sure why. It's a time for Mom to provide comfort and support, but she's in another country and I don't like calling her and making her worry about these things too. She worries enough as it is. And it's not like she can just hop in a car and drive over to give me a hug and make me soup. It's not that simple any more. Although I'm sure she would if I lived close to her. I'd do it for her too.

I miss my Mom.

She was supposed to be visiting in a couple of weeks, but she had her own health scare not too long ago. Mom's okay now, but she wouldn't be able to get medical insurance to cover her in the US for another 3 months. So I have to wait to see her. We can't afford to have her get sick or injured while visiting - it's way too expensive!

Can you believe I had no idea what to write about?

Posted by Maple :: 10:05 PM :: 0 Comments:

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