Monday, February 20, 2006

Colour, colour everywhere!

Painting was a success and I love the colour of my bedroom. It's like a whole new place that is full of life. It feels warm and inviting and I haven't even moved back in yet. I decided that it would be easier to move everything out, including my bed, so I'm making my home in the living room until the paint fumes disappear. I'm sure in the next couple of days it will be back to normal and I will feel comfortable about moving back in. Until then, I have to decide how to arrange the furniture because I'm not happy about the way things were. I've already done one thing that makes a difference. I've hung up a collage of pictures that my Mom made for me. It's something that I've never put up before and never even really wanted to look at in the past. I don't like looking at myself, not even in the mirror, but I think I'm starting to become proud of who I am. Of who I've become and how I got here. By hanging these pictures, I'm making a step in the right direction and accepting both the good and the bad (or what I think is bad) about myself. I'm not 100% happy with who I am, but I'm working towards getting to that point. It's also nice that some of the pictures include my Grandparents and my Dad, and even childhood friends that I haven't seen in 25 years or more.

It's amazing how a few days can make such a difference in my outlook. Only last week I was feeling down on myself and this week I feel more confident and optimistic. It may have something to do with Friday night and being able to flirt with a few guys and feeling comfortable with myself. I didn't let my bitterness take over until much later in the evening when I realized the guy I was chatting with wasn't all that interested. He was a nice guy, but he was interested in FC2's other friend. It was a good experience for me though. He made me realize that I can't get upset when someone doesn't want to get to know me outside of the bar. Not everyone I meet will be someone I'm interested in either. I can't take these things so hard and I just have to go out and enjoy myself. Besides, it turns out I managed to dodge a bullet with this guy since he's divorced, with a kid, which is not something I'm willing to get myself involved in at this point in my life.

As it turns out, the very next day I think I may have been asked out by one of the guys at tennis. It was the first time we had talked at any length and we seem to have a few things in common but I'm not exactly sure what to make of it. We exchanged numbers and he said he'd give me a call later this week so we can 'go for drinks' but I don't want to assume it's a date, so I think I'll take the pressure off myself and consider it a friendship thing. I don't want to get stressed out about dating and want to limit my expectations so this is probably the best way to handle it. Who knows, he may not even call but if he does, I plan to have a good time.

Posted by Maple :: 9:26 PM :: 2 Comments:

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